My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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