Umm I'm too high to move.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm bleeding and have questions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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