Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
