If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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