Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
