guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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