Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
