I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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