i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
