drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
