I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
