I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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