Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is my gift to your gina
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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