And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
