he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
