Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize