The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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