Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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