listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
