I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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