I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
