I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
