absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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