I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize