my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
