There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
