I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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