So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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