I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
