He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
