he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
