What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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