You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
