just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
