mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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