So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
