i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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