I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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