dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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