Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
