i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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