I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
