If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
