I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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