I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My life is pants optional.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
