VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
