i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize