If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
