some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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