He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
