Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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