Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
