I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
