i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
