What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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