I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
