I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
