I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
