is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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