I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
