so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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