Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
