It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
