i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
