honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
