I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
