dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
