Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I lost the right to judge tonight
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
